This weekend has been very...random. Yesh, such a variety of emotions. I was excited to go home and spend Halloween with my family, and eat my mom's wonderful chili that she only makes on Halloween. But yet, part of my didn't want to be there. I've just had this really weird feeling haunting me lately. I don't know what it could be. I hate when I get feelings like that. Don't you hate when something is bothering you, but you don't know what? It is so distracting. I was really cranky this weekend, too. I was getting all upset over this stupid political discussion with my mom and grandmother, and over my violin, and EVERYTHING. I don't know what my problem is.

And then the weirdest, most random thing happened today- my mom came bursting into my room this morning and says "Hurry and wake up! You've got to leave now. Its snowing like crazy, and you should get home (to Ogden) before the storm worsens." My car needed gas, and she offered to pay for it this time. As we were leaving (we were driving separately), and she had this feeling that she should drive behind me and not in front. So I'm coming up to the intersection, and applying my brakes (the light was red), and my car kept slipping on the road. I slammed into this little Honda CR-V in front of me. We (the people of the SUV, my mom, and I) pulled into a parking lot, and got out to look at the damage.  Their car remained unscathed, and my car's ENTIRE front end was screwed. I had started turning right when I knew I wasn't going to stop, and so I mostly hit their trailer hitch, but their little tire-case-thingy was apparently what hit my car. They didn't even have a scratch, and my car was WRECKED!!! But isn't that interesting that my mom had a gut feeling to drive BEHIND me? Anyway, so now I'm carless (not careless, but CARless), and that saddens me. But my parents are looking for some little used car for me to have. Of course that will be my Christmas for years and years to come, and I, conditionally, will have to acquire at LEAST 2 jobs this summer to help pay for it. That's fine. I say while I'm working to pay off a car... just let me get a new one. I could get a Honda Civic, or....*giggles* a Mini Cooper!! Well, I'd take whatever I could get. Moving on....

Finally this weekend I was starting to feel like I wasn't so distraught over Sean leaving, but I was just reading fatalfame's tblog (Sean's best friend), and now I'm missing Sean terribly again. Oh what am I supposed to do? My solution (at least today) is to sidetrack myself with chick flicks and candy. Yesh, its only a temporary solution, but I guess I just have to take things one at a time.

Well, I have plenty of things I'd like to write about, but if you don't mind, I'm going to postpone those until another time. I'm just a little bit out of it, what with the car accident and Sean and everything. So I bid you adieu...

Auf Wiedersehen. Bis morgen dann!

So this is actually my second entry. What? You don't see my first entry? Oh, that's because THIS WEBSITE ATE IT!!!!! Eh- its okay.

Well, I don't have a very long to talk today, but I think I can still say a lot. Today is actually going rather well. I just passed my French Horn final, which is good, because I also just passed my Deutsch presentation and midterm. Anyway, I'm loving school this year. This has by far been my most favourite semester. But this is pretty much all I have to say about school. Next topic.

Sean. I miss him already, and he doesn't even leave for another two weeks or so. I can't believe he will be gone for two years. I think I'll die of a broken heart before he returns. I know this sounds really lame, but I think we're soulmates. I just have this feeling inside that we're meant to be together. I just feel so comfortable around him. He makes me be a better person, and he makes me feel like I'm important and loved. He completes me. I liked him very much from the start, and quite soon after first meeting him, I fell in love. So I have loved him for probably 3 1/2  years. That's a long time to love someone, and not know whether they love you back. I have a strong feeling that he does, or at least has at some point. And that's precisely why I'm not giving up, moving on, letting him go. I'm going to wait for him while he's on his mission, and see how he feels afterwards. I know it will work out. Everyone else knows it will work out. It has to. If we couldn't be together, I know as sure as I'm writing this that I would die of a broken heart. I would cry uncontrollably, and my heart would be so sad that it would stop. I can't imagine myself with anyone else, and it pains me to think of him with someone else. So, therefore, I am worried that he'll find someone on his mission. I am also worried that I'll possibly find someone (unintentionally) while he's gone, or that while I'm in Bayreuth the summer following his return, he'll find someone. What if he gets engaged? What if? Then what am I supposed to do?

Anyway, I could talk and stew about that for hours. Unfortunately.... I can't. My German class begins in 10 minutes, so I need to leave now. I love Sean, and I know its right.

Auf Wiedersehen.