I'm @ SLCC. I just finished my math class, and I just thought I'd briefly rant about that, and also how terrible I think my life is going right now. Firstly, my math professor. If I had to describe him in several words, I would pick: creepy, Hitleresque, pretentious, ugly, creepy, slow, monotone, retarded, creepy, boring, and (oh yeah...) creepy. Bleh. Now, I've pondered committing suicide before, but never NEVER as seriously as when I'm in his class. CHECK PLEASE!!!!!

So, germanmuse, why are you complaining that your life is so miserable... again? Because, people, I am living with my parents. Its really self-explanatory. They are overly-strict, close-minded/shallow, pretentious, they don't like that I'm Vegetarian, they would FREAK if they knew I was questioning religion and not really liking Christianity right now, and they've made their other children into psycho clones that are equally vapid and egocentric. I. HATE. LIVING. HERE. GET. ME. OUT. NOW.! And.... I emailed Szalay yesterday, mostly asking her if she could tell me my grade on the German final, and telling her that I missed her and that I hope she has a good summer, and she replies and is all up in my face about everything, and blah blah blah You-got-a-good-score-but- I-have-to-talk-to-you-reg arding-the-final crap. What the hell? *grunts* Okay- why don't you just tell me? Why freak out that I say I miss you? I was just trying to be nice, and besides- we're FRIENDS! Considering we haven't communicated with one another for over 3 weeks, I thought it would be nice to say something. But JEEZ- why freak out? She has got to get over herself and calm down. For God's sake...

So anyway, I've just mega-uber-depressed lately, and I refuse to snap out of it. My depression is a place where I can hide. Yes, I'm aware that hiding ISN'T a good thing to do, but I feel like it, okay? I don't want to be "out there" right now. I just want to be alone, enjoy my music and writing, and enter yet another cataclysmic gorge of depression in my life. Just leave me alone.

Auf Wiedersehen.

I just need to say that Radiohead is the GREATEST band ever. I just can't get enough of them!!! And actually, I've only listened to their HttT album, so I can only imagine how wonderful their other albums are. And speaking of (new) music, I just bought "18" by Moby today. I love me some Moby, too. I also listened to the new NIN CD, and I must say that I am in no way impressed or taken by it. I think its Trent's worst effort yet. Bleh.

And the weirdest thing happened today. Around about 8pm tonite, I became (all of a sudden) extremely melancholy/depressed. I've been listening to Radiohead, Moby, and NIN (Further Down the Spiral) since then, and I can't bring myself to listen to anything else. I'm not entirely sure I know why I'm feeling this way. I should actually be very HAPPY. I just finished all my finals (including violin jury- which I feel I did well on), and pretty much everything is going well for me. I feel I can pinpoint my depression to at least one thing (though its not entirely logical to me as to why its a "cause" for my depression): Szalay. We've finally become "friends," which is something I've wanted for so long, but I have discovered (more like have come to realize) something about here that is driving me absolutely CRAZY. She has a huge ego problem. She is always saying stuff like: "You're so conscientious- just like me" or "You have the drive to succeed- just as I do," and she's always dissing other students who aren't as "dedicated," "intelligent," "intellectually curious," or "bright" as WE are. Its not that I have a problem with her praising me (although its not my favorite type of thing. I just don't like praise that much), but I just wish that she would not think herself so superior, and that she would treat all her students equally. I don't think its entirely their fault if they are as "smart" or "driven" as she is. Not everyone is like that, and not everyone thinks/works like her. It really bothers me. And as a teacher myself, I can say that sure- there are students who do better than others, students who have more (natural) talent, and students who care more or who are more interesting, but I've NEVER treated one student "better" than another, no matter HOW much I may enjoy their personalities or have enjoyed watching them play. I just don't think its right! As a teacher, your JOB is to teach everyone, to encourage everyone, and be rooting for ALL of your students the very same amount: A LOT! So I must say this: Szalay used to be a role model for me. I use to truly enjoy her personality, and I used to try to teach my own students using some of her methods and personality quirks. Well, that all ends today. I can stand back and admire her for what she has accomplished with her life, but I don't feel that I can get over this bias she has towards her "other" students. Why is it that people who have spent so much of their lives seeking education, have no common sense/courtesy? Why must that always be the way of things?

Sorry, I didn't mean to vent so much, but that's REALLY been bothering me. I just can't stand people who do stuff like that. Its not right. At any rate, I am also a bit melancholy, because this school year is finally over. I will be moving in with my parents for the summer, and I will be working yet another crappy job. I will have to put up with my diabolical dad and his "ways" which I have undoubtedly discussed in vivid detail to you many times. I will have to leave all of my friends, hobbies, and life up here at school. I will turn off my brain and emotions, and most likely be near-dead the entire summer. This will probably be the last journal entry until late August (though- if I get the opportunity- I'd like to sneak one or two entries in over the summer, to keep you updated), so until then-

Auf Wiedersehen.

DAMN!!!! I just wrote the most wonderful blog about school and life and Star Wars  Episode 3, and stupid tblog.com just ATE IT!!!!! *screams and grunts loudly and gets dirty looks from people around her*

I shall put it in a nutshell: This past week has busy and stressful. Tis been the week of Finals and a million performances. I have been really exhausted and cranky. My brain hurts from the studying, and I haven't done ANYTHING productive yesterday, and today I worked out and deep-cleaned my apartment.

I have now been officially vegetarian for 3 weeks, and I'm loving every minute of it. Meat is disgusting to look at, to cut into, to chew and taste, and it is wrong to kill animals to get it. I don't care if the freakin Bible says that God gave us animals to kill and eat. I just don't think its right. Vegetables and fruits are beautiful to look at and to taste. And I heavily believe that American diets are too heavily-centered around meat, and that they eat too much of it. *gags* Bleh.

Also, I am EXTRAORDINARILY INCREDIBLY OVEREXCITED about Star Wars Episode 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! I am- of course- planning on going to the first midnight screening of it. I called my dad the other day having an absolute panic attack, and fretting over whether or not he has the tickets!!!!!! I'm planning on the buying the soundtrack (courtesy of the wonderful John Williams [despite my firm belief that he rips off Wagner, Tchaikovsky, Holst, and his own music on a regular basis]), and I was yelling at my dad, trying to get him to understand how incredibly urgent and important it is for him to go buy the tickets NOW, whether it be online, through the black market, or at the theatre itself. I think I kind of freaked him out in my moment of over-zealousness. Oh well. Star Wars is my very favorite *is listening to the Episode 6 soundtrack now*

Auf Wiedersehen for tonite, people. Eat your vegetables, listen to Radiohead and John Williams, boycott Reality TV, and watch The X-Files (which is my new obsession, because its the greatest TV series EVER).