Wow- its been such a long time since I've posted. (Not that it matters- I don't have any dedicated fans or anything....)

I feel like I have really changed in the last few months, and that it has been for the better. I have really strived to become a more informed person. I always hate when I feel stupid (and by that I mean, I hate when I don't know the answer, or when I feel left out because I don't know [about] something). I've also tried to be a much better student, attending all of my classes, and being a dedicated student. I've tried to practice violin more, and to really care about it, and focus on improving. I'm going through a rough phase right now, though, but it is for the better (and I won't go into detail. Please just take my word for it).

Familial relations aren't so hot right now, but honestly I don't really care. I respect my family, and I do care about them, but I just don't look up to them very much, and I have finally come to accept that I am very different from them, and will never really fit in. That is completely fine with me. I know that I will lead a much better and more exciting life than ANYONE in my family!!!!! I refuse to sell myself short, and lead a simple routine life, like my mother (and like most other people in my family). I want to get a PhD. Why? Because out of ALL 4 sides of my "family," I would be the first female to have obtained one, and probably the first person ever. Wouldn't that be cool? I know that I have the potential, the brains, and the dedication to do it, and that it probably wouldn't even be that hard for me. I know I have a lot of talent, and smarts, but sometimes I just suffer from major self-confidence problems, and I'm afraid to believe in myself. But I think I am done with that. Why, you ask? Well, I guess I can tell you, though I am afraid that I will jinx my extraordinary stroke of luck: My biggest wish has come true. Me and Szalay are finally at the stage of being "friends." How did this happen? Well, last week there was the German midterm test, and I just wasn't feeling quite on top of things, so I went to Szalay's evening course, just for the extra review. After class, I waited till everyone else had left, because I wanted to thank her for letting me come, and to give her some feedback about the class (cuz I just like talking with her). She was gathering all of the her stuff up, and I offered to help her. So then we're walking out to her car, and she offers to give me "a ride" over to my car (oh- she's so cute!) Then we pull up next to my car, and we were just talking and talking. She says something like "You're so smart. I know you can go far in your life. You could be going to Harvard! You deserve the best! You deserve a good marriage, kids, and all the success in the world!" It was the NICEST thing anyone has ever said to me, and it has given me all the confidence in the world. Words cannot express how much she has meant to me. Considering all of things I have had to go through, and all of the people and events I have had to deal with, it is just nice to have someone who has unconditional care and support for you. I'm just waiting for her to kind of "flip out" and begin ignoring me, like everyone else has. It is most unfortunate that I have to think this way. Anyway, she is precisely what I need in my life right now. I just need someone to be there and support me, and build my non-existent confidence, and believe in me. No one has ever done that for me before, and I've really struggled with just about everything, but now everything is okay. She says that I'm an "intellectual" and that she really enjoys talking with me, and that "we should go out to lunch sometime." I'm absolutely ELATED about that. Maybe this is all too fantastical for you, and maybe I'm obsessed, but is it wrong for me to have taken a liking to someone who likes me back? I don't really think so.

Sean has been in Tokyo for quite sometime now. I, of course, have been terrible at writing him. I've only written him once since he left. I have most of another letter written, but I just have to finish it and mail it. Believe it or not, I've actually been REALLY busy this past month. I've picked up two new violin students (putting me up to 3), and I've remained much busier and more productive. Anyway, my life sucks, but I don't really mind it so much right now. I'm only frustrated that I have no money, and that my family bugs me.

Auf Wiedersehen.